Amy Lee’s Weekly Whine – Shopping Mall Standstill
Well – as the Holiday Shopping season is now upon us – let me give you another reason that I am pulling my hair out.
Weekly Whine – Shopping Mall Standstill
If you’re like me, when you go shopping for Christmas you know exactly what you’re going to get and where you’re going to get it. You’ve tried to figure out ways to get out of having to step foot in the mall – but in reality, the mall has everything you are looking for.
So you prepare your shopping adventure well in advance. You call on a team scientists at NASA to calculate the most optimal time of the day to do your shopping that will generate the least amount of stress and anxiety. You hire a team of doctors to prepare you mentally and physically for your upcoming holiday shopping spree. You seek the advice of spiritual experts for tips on how to remain calm, and last but not least, you collaborate with a military tactical team to map out the best route to get in, get what you need and get out with all limbs intact.
So you pull up to the mall, say a little prayer, pull out your plan of attack and proceed to enter the mall. You’re moving along, checking things off your list in record speed. You feel confident and proud of the progress you’ve made. You even have a small grin pulling at the corners of your mouth and a cheerful Christmas song in your heart.
And because everything is moving right along as planned, you let your guard down ever so slightly and start taking small peeks in the windows of the stores you are passing by. And that’s when it happens.
Some cosmic force is working against you and had been silently and ever so patiently waiting for you to drop that guard. You’re walking and looking in the window of a store and BAM – you hit a brick wall. Or at least you think it’s a brick wall. In reality it is a group of people who thought that THE MIDDLE OF THE WALKWAY AT THE MALL WAS THE PERFECT SPOT TO STOP AND HAVE A CHIT CHAT!!
Now, everything happens in slow motion – you collide with the backside of a 7’10”, 350 pound giant that was walking in front of you. You bounce off the giant like a pinball and catapult backwards 20 feet only to trip over one of those firetruck strollers that holds up to 20 kids and slash your shin open.
You begin hopping on the non-injured leg as you try to catch your balance but ultimately end up falling face first into the kiosk that’s selling that lotion that you’ve told time and time again you are not interested in! And of course as you continue on with your amazing display of grace and balance in the middle of the mall, your shopping bags fly all over the place.
So – as you pick yourself up, gather your belongings and tell the kiosk person that for the love of all that’s Holy you DO NOT WANT the damn lotion as you limp away – the giant that slammed on the breaks with no warning gives YOU an evil look as if it’s all your fault.
So please, I beg you, if you are guilty of slamming on the breaks in the middle of the mall during the busiest shopping season of the year – stop that.
And on a side note – if you are one of the one’s at the kiosk selling lotion – the answer is still NO – but I will gladly take a bottle of wine to go with my weekly whine!