November is here, and that means you're one step closer to eating an entire year's worth of stuffing. Yes, I said it. Stuffing for the whole year. Why? Because all year long, you haven't been offered any stuffing a single time.
You've had turkey. You've had mashed potatoes. You've had rolls and pumpkin pie. But stuffing? No! You haven't had a reason to buy it at the grocery store. You probably haven't even really thought about it. But hear me out...
The most magical of all Thanksgiving side dishes should totally be consumed more than just once a year. Some of you out there really like to party, and maybe stuffing makes an appearance at your house every now and then when it's not in season. You guys are the pioneers of the future. The bravest of them all, daring to go where few have gone before.
Invite me to dinner...
My friend in school used to search through my mom's pantry to find stuffing mix. She'd just pop it in a bowl, add water, microwave it, and eat it with a fork. We'd all laugh at her.
Stuffing? It's July, Kirsten. You can't just eat stuffing. This is not the time or place.
That didn't stop her. She didn't give a flying f*** and neither should you. All hail stuffing! King of the dinner table! Ruler of them all! Screw your casseroles and cranberry sauce. Stuffing is the key to my heart, so I thought I'd share a good stuffing recipe with you. Get stuffed!
CHRISSY FROM THE ROCKSHOW'S BADASS MUTHA PUPPIN' STUFFIN' RECIPE
1.5 loaves of stale bread, cut into cubes. (Use that old suspicious loaf that's been waiting for its day in the sun. Today is the day!)
1 cup of butter (Or more..be adventurous...I use fake butter, cuz I'm allergic to everything holy on this earth.)
2 big yellow onions, diced (You can get freaky with some purple ones. Idgaf.)
2 cups of diced celery (I usually leave it out, cuz screw celery.)
An ass-ton of garlic (6 or 8 cloves, minced, or whatever feels right to you. THIS IS YOUR STUFFING, SON.)
Salt and pepper cuz you ain't a basic b*tch.
Sage, parsley, and rosemary (About 3 or 4 tablespoons of each, but I'm not here to judge. Go crazy.)
2.5 cups of chicken stock (I use veggie stock because my friends are hippies.)
2 big ol' eggs (I use egg replacer for the above-mentioned hippies.)
Herbs for sprinkling on top to make it look like you are a fancy chef!
1) Preheat your oven to 350 degrees, you filthy animal.
2) Grease the hell out of a baking dish because f*** dishes being way too hard to wash.
3) Heat your butter in a skillet and saute your onions and garlic and celery with a little salt till they are soft. Then throw in the sage, parsley, and rosemary. Your house is going to smell like a Furr's Cafeteria and that's how it should be.
4) Throw all them delicious ingredients in a bowl and mix them up together all willy nilly and then toss them in the baking dish. Your oven is all sexy and hot and ready to go at this point.
5) Bake that sh*t for about 45 minutes with some foil on top to keep it from getting all crunchy and funky.
6) Remove the pan from the oven. Use an oven mitt. You aren't that tough.
7) Tell all of your friends to back away, and just eat it with a fork. You don't need them and you certainly don't need to share that masterpiece. They won't understand it anyway. They've never understood.
Bon appetite, mutha puppas!