The ridiculous stupid stuff that I do for this job. Sigh.

There's no greater joy than whipped cream, right out of the can. Preferably applied in places that dare not be mentioned in a family setting like this one. I know it's not actually cream, but this is like crack in a can.

Actually, it kind of is, which is why a few idiots are about to ruin it for the rest of us.

Get our free mobile app

With that in mind, let's again thank the Good Lord upstairs that we reside in the Lone Star State and don't live in that communist cesspool known as New York. Because now in New York, you can vote, join the military, and drive a car if you are under 21, but you can't buy Reddi Wip without an ID.

According to legislation passed last year, the goal is to keep kids under 21 from gaining access to the whipped cream chargers in the cans, otherwise known as "whippits," and getting wasted. If you're over 21, then you can huff as much delicious pie topper as you wish. Go nuts.

According to the bill, the whipped cream chargers are known to "cause hearing loss, liver and kidney damage, limb spasms, central nervous system or brain damage, bone marrow damage, heart failure or suffocation." They also make you see things and colors that haven't been invented yet. So, in their infantile and infinite New York wisdom, the solution is to lock up the Reddi Wip and require an ID to buy it.

The question now is: 'WHY AREN'T WE PROTECTING THE CHILDREN OF LUBBOCK? WHY IS THIS DANGEROUS SUBSTANCE STILL ON STORE SHELVES????"

Image: Lance Ballance-Townsquare Media
Lance Ballance, Townsquare Media
loading...

Because this is Texas, that's why. Because we know how to assess risk and reward, and don't live in a nanny state. People huff gasoline fumes, too, but we aren't banning gasoline or cars (except in California, which is literal Hell on Earth).

Is it time to save the children and lock up the Reddi Wip? Not yet. But nothing would shock me. However, based on a key use of this fine dessert treat, they should be selling it over at Adam & Eve.

Oh, and don't huff whipped cream cans, kids. Or else this might happen:

 

These 180 Kids Have Gone Missing in Texas in 2021

As of July 13th, 2021, these are the kids still reported missing in Texas according to the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children.

LOOK: The most expensive weather and climate disasters in recent decades

Stacker ranked the most expensive climate disasters by the billions since 1980 by the total cost of all damages, adjusted for inflation, based on 2021 data from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA). The list starts with Hurricane Sally, which caused $7.3 billion in damages in 2020, and ends with a devastating 2005 hurricane that caused $170 billion in damage and killed at least 1,833 people. Keep reading to discover the 50 of the most expensive climate disasters in recent decades in the U.S.

LOOK: Here are the 50 best beach towns in America

Every beach town has its share of pluses and minuses, which got us thinking about what makes a beach town the best one to live in. To find out, Stacker consulted data from WalletHub, released June 17, 2020, that compares U.S. beach towns. Ratings are based on six categories: affordability, weather, safety, economy, education and health, and quality of life. The cities ranged in population from 10,000 to 150,000, but they had to have at least one local beach listed on TripAdvisor. Read the full methodology here. From those rankings, we selected the top 50. Readers who live in California and Florida will be unsurprised to learn that many of towns featured here are in one of those two states.

Keep reading to see if your favorite beach town made the cut.

More From Lonestar 99-5 FM