"Loop 289. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious."  ~Obi Wan Kenobi, or something.

I'm going to be as delicate as I can here, since I'm sure that someone, somehow, will be upset by what I am about to say.

Actually, who am I kidding? I really don't care. Ahem...

There are exactly two types of drivers in Lubbock:





That's right, if you drive in Lubbock, you're automatically infected with the affliction, Motorus Moronicus. It's science -- look it up.


We know that city streets are bad enough in Lubbock, but when it comes to Loop 289 (or any other numbered thoroughfare, for that matter), people have this tendency to lose basic functions, such as rational thought, peripheral vision, and area awareness.

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There isn't a day that goes by where I'm driving on The Loop when I don't observe a "driver" (yes, that's in quotes intentionally) who thinks that going 45 miles per hour in the right lane is a safe bet when people are trying to merge onto the highway at normal speed to avoid an accident. The 45 miles per hour snail usually causes traffic to back up behind them and create a game of "Red Rover" as cars have to break the chain of traffic just to merge. It's dangerous as hell.

Or the genius in the far left lane who SUDDENLY REALIZES that their exit is next and makes a 3-lane shifty, cutting off anyone behind them. That's how I got the rock chip in my windshield, someone blasting over and plowing through the gore point, kicking up rocks as they tear off the highway to get to Whataburger before they close. (Fun fact: Whataburger is open 24/7, so slow down, Cletus.)

And don't get me started on our incredible ineptitude on frontage roads. The left lane on frontage roads is for MERGING, not sightseeing. If you aren't getting on or off the highway in short order, stay out of the left lane. It just causes problems for those of us who are driving with purpose and a clue.

An unnamed City of Lubbock staffer mentioned that Lubbock had over 350 traffic fatalities in the first six months of 2021. I couldn't confirm that data, but that's almost two traffic deaths per day, or more than a Mad Max film. No one is paying attention.

That's the key. Just be aware. I can't understand why people lose all common sense when they get behind the wheel. Just pay attention, and be respectful or other drivers. Otherwise, I have a horn and a middle finger, and I'm not afraid to use either of them.

Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk.

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